Joe is yelling at the trees again.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
