college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
