My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
