i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
