You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
