I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My hand turned me down
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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