People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
