when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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