so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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