called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
