At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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