I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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