Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
