he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
