I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
