Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
