Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I deserve this hangover.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
