I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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