is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
