woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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