Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
