my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
