Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
