Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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