You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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