my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
