im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
