weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
