if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
