I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
