just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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