I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
