how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
