I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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