Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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