Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
