at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
