Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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