sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
