That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
