please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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