I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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