I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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