My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
