All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
