You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
