I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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