i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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