I wish I could teleport
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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