I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
