I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
